Behind the Scenes
by NMTD
Summary: This is how their world works. Everyone follows the rule. No one ever questions it. AU. Rated T for language.
1. Just Another Day

**A/N:**

 **Edit Jan. 28th, 2017**

 ****Notice for Writing Challenge!****

 **This plot bunny is now officially up for adoption!**

 **If you would like to continue or expand this story, please feel free to modify it to suit your taste. Just shoot me a message when you post because I would LOVE to read more of this universe too! You're also welcome to show this to other authors who might consider adopting.**

 **Happy Lunar New Year!~**

* * *

 _This is how their world works. Everyone follows the rule. No one ever questions it._

"He leans forward and gives the swordsman a tentative kiss... Fuck, this shit again." Sanji sighs under his breath as he re-reads the manuscript.

"Stop reading them out loud, idiot! I can't get the corner right if you keep moving!" Nami whacks him on the head and returns to painting his lips with the tiniest brush in her collection. It's a coat of gloss to make them perfectly soft for the kiss scene today.

"Another zosan fic? You guys sure are popular." Usopp snickers from behind his cards.

"It's always that or angsty torture for me." Sanji says unhappily, allowing Nami to tilt his head to apply blush. He's supposed to have "a furious blush on his pale ivory skin."

"That's what you get for acting tough in canon, bro. Luffy-bro is the _super_ main character, so he can't help it. You and Zoro-bro on the other hand are _super_ asking for it." Franky picks a card from Brook and discards a pair of fours.

"It's not their fault. They were born this way, thanks to Oda Sensei. Yohohoho... Sanji-san, Zoro-san, my heart aches for your suffering. I don't have a heart though. Yohohoho~" Brook laughs as he waits for Usopp to shuffle his own hand for the sixth time this round.

"At least there are no sex scenes today, only a bite on the bottom lip. I hope it doesn't fall off." Robin wonders out loud while putting in Zoro's contact lenses on the other side of the room. He has green eyes for the story today. Sanji shudders, causing Nami to miss a stroke while applying the highlighter.

"That's right, Zoro, hold back a little with the bite! I don't want to have to stitch Sanji up after every scene." Chopper frowns and looks up from his own copy of the manuscript.

"Tell the author. I'm just doing what it says in the story. It's not my fault the love cook's a wimp who gets hurt every time." Zoro yawns and leans back in his chair to sneak in a mini-nap before his makeup is done.

"Fuck you, shitty moss! Why don't you try being on the receiving end of this shit for once?!" Sanji stands up from his chair, toppling Nami's eye shadow palette to the floor.

"Huh? I've been on the receiving end tons of times. The fuck are you talking about?"

"There's a difference because you... you _like_ it, you masochistic plant!"

"Then learn to like it yourself. It's not that hard," Zoro opens one eye at the blond, "or maybe it's too hard for you. My bad."

"What did you say?! Just watch me, grass head!" Sanji sits down with a huff. Zoro smirks to himself. Too easy.

"Sanji-kun, as payment for ruining my eye shadow palette, you're paying me 100 belis for every review you earn for the scene today. Do you understand?" Nami points a perfectly manicured finger at the blond's nose.

"O-of course, Nami-swan!~ I'm so sorry! Please take all my earnings from this scene to compensate for the trouble I caused you!" Sanji takes Nami's hand in his only to be whacked on the head with her other hand.

"Idiot." Zoro rolls his eyes and mutters. Robin chuckles at his frustration as she fixes his hair.

"Oi, everyone get in position! We're ready to publish!" Luffy yells from beyond the door.

 _This is how their world works. Every time a story gets published in the "real world", they act it out in the reader's mind. No one ever questions it._


	2. Till You Feel It All Around You - Tonko

**A/N:**

 **So just for my amusement I've decided to continue this on some of my favourite fics here on ff net. This is the only one on my favourite list that's completely non-zosan, so I'd like some suggestions (your favourite non-zosan fics) for future chapters if you don't want this to turn into zosan rather quickly. There's no plot at the moment, but no guarantees for the future. Open to any kind of suggestions since no one seems to be adopting this plot bunny.**

* * *

 **Behind the Scenes Chapter 2**

 ** _Till You Feel It All Around You - Tonko (K+, Frendship/Angst, 57k+ Words, One Shot)_**

"Uh... guys, I think we have a problem with casting." Usopp pokes his nose into the manuscript once again, "I mean the three of us are supposed to be, what, eight years old here?" Zoro, who's sitting beside him, scowls at the same page in his own copy without a word.

" _Super_ leave it to me, bro!" Franky flashes the long nose a toothy smile before whipping out a hand full of screw drivers and wrenches. "I'll have you three fixed to the correct size in no time!" Usopp swallows thickly.

"Really?! You can do that?! Show me show me!" Luffy bounces around the cyborg with twinkling eyes.

"Show me show me!" Chopper echoes, wearing the same twinkling eyes, "Can you turn them back afterwards too?"

"I do believe he plans to amputate all of our limbs to achieve the effect." Robin explains calmly, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, "By the way, I absolutely refuse to be modified into a cyborg. It's lame." Usopp positions his seat behind Zoro for a bit of protection.

"Watch what you suggest you'd do to our beautiful Robin-chwan's perfect body, you shitty robo!" Sanji presses the sole of his foot to the still smiling cyborg.

"O-oi, so it's f-fine with you if he d-d-does it to us then?" Usopp stutters from behind Zoro, who's still glaring at his script.

"I guess it can't be helped." Nami sighs from her chair behind Franky, "We'll have to call in an assistant for this case. Big Eater Jewelry Bonney. We'll be paying with pizza, so I'll leave the payment to you, Sanji-kun." The cook answers with a twirl and a shower of flying hearts.

"I wonder if she would let me see her panties. Yohohoho..." Brook laughs, earning a whack from the navigator. "But I thought she hates us."

"Really? Why?" Luffy picks his nose.

"Isn't it your fault for hitting that celestial dragon and bringing a admiral to the island two years ago?" Nami snaps at him with a whack on the head. "I don't blame you though, but you should still apologize. We need her help this time."

"Ehhhhh? It's not my fault! That fat guy was pissing me off!" Luffy whines.

"I _know_ that. Just apologize for causing her trouble, you idiot! And you too, Zoro. Apologize to her."

"Huh?! Why do I have to?!" Zoro puts on an even more exaggerated face of irritation than before.

"Because you owe me money and haven't paid back in full."

"Tch, witch."

"What did you just call a lady, moss brain?" Sanji jumps in with a foot ready for action.

Nami tunes out the chaos that follows. Geez, this crew is so lost without her.


	3. Second Wind - The-Lost-Samurai (Part 1)

**A/N**

 **There's more coming on Second Wind when I read more of it. I don't usually read time travelling, so this is my first one. :P Please throw more suggestions my way in the mean time.**

* * *

 **Behind the Scenes 3**

 ** _Topic: Time Travelling (Part 1)_**

 ** _Second Wind - The-Lost-Samurai (T, Adventure/Humor, 219k+ words to date, 55 chapters to date, ongoing)_**

Luffy sits on the counter by the mirror and swings his legs as he flips through the 1035-page manuscript from front to back in under 10 seconds. He snaps it closed and does it again.

"Luffy, read it properly! We're starting the recording tomorrow. You have to memorize your lines for the first 30 scenes by then." Nami yells across the room while trying to paint a perfect coat of orange on her left pinky. She doesn't have that many lines in the first 30 scenes.

"But I say exactly the same things I did in canon!" Luffy whines.

"Yeah, why don't we just play the tape recordings we have of canon instead?" Zoro casually taps his own open copy.

" _Because_ , if you two would just pay attention to the narration for _one_ second you'd notice that the fight scenes are different! In this version you're strong enough to knock out your enemies in one hit for the first... half of the story." Nami carefully closes her bottle of nail polish and rests her hands on the armrest.

"If we're that strong, then how come we still let that ratty marines guy get to your orange grove? How come Zoro still got sliced across the chest by Mihawk? How come that guy with his ridiculous armors still got to come in and threaten to take over Sanji's restaurant? How come we never warned you guys of that bug that can kill you on Little Garden? How come we still didn't stop Baroque Works and the revolution army in Arabasta until it was almost too late?" His ranting makes everyone in the room look up to him in shock. Luffy is angry. Luffy rarely gets angry.

"Oh, so you did read it properly." Nami says sheepishly.

"I hate scripts of boring adventure. What's the point if we all know how it's gonna go?" Luffy mutters, jumps off the counter, and walks past the game of cards the adult members of the crew were playing before they paused to listen to his rant. "I'm going for a walk." he adds as he leaves the room.

"O-oi, Luffy! It's not like we have a choi-" Nami calls to his disappearing back helplessly.

"Don't worry Nami-swan! We can use the canon recordings just like Marimo suggested. All we need to do is to cut out parts of the fight scenes to make them shorter." Sanji reassures her with a cup of freshly brewed black tea and a bowl of beautifully decorated tangerine sundae.

"Yeah Nami, leave the editing to the Almighty Usopp-sama, the God of Editing! Did I tell you of the time I edited a Christmas music video into a 90-minute action movie?" Usopp strikes a pose before launching into his story-telling mode.

"Wow, really? What was it called?" Chopper is instantly at his knees with an expression of admiration.

The adult members go back to their card game. It looks like they'll have very little to do around here for another month or so.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Sorry this one came out a little heavier than intended. :P It'll go back to all light-hearted next time.**


	4. Second Wind - The-Lost-Samurai (Part 2)

**A/N:**

 **You can tell I'm procrastinating from writing my main fic when I keep updating this one...**

* * *

 **Behind the Scenes 4**

 _ **Topic: Time Travelling (Part 2)**_

 _ **Second Wind - The-Lost-Samurai (T, Adventure/Humor, 219k+ words to date, 55 chapters to date, ongoing)**_

Chopper is diligently reading over the scenes they'll be recording next week. They didn't get much to do the last few weeks besides editing canon footage.

"Nami, I think you might want to have a look at this scene. It might be a problem for us." he waves his script in the air. "It's a scene where Luffy explains the Observation Haki to Robin." he adds.

"So what's the problem? It's way too simplified to make any sense? It's the writer's fault then. We're just doing what it says." Nami answers, not bothering to turn to the reindeer.

"Uhm, no... The problem is that it's quite a sophisticated and in depth explanation that makes perfect sense." Chopper explains, and everyone pauses before a great storm of madly flipping pages erupt in the room.

"What..." Usopp rubs his nose.

"Hmm..." Nami rubs her chin.

"Man..." Franky rubs his forehead with clearly oversized hands.

"Yohoho..." Brook scratches his afro.

"Shit..." Sanji exhales a puff of smoke.

"Well..." Robin chuckles softly behind her hand.

"Tch..." Zoro glares at the script.

"Oi Luffy, come here and read this passage out loud!" Nami orders. Luffy obediently snatches her copy and starts reading.

"The first thing you should know is that everything in the world gives off a curtain ebi of its present, one that transits the percent of the 5 senses we humours use to interest with our surrenderings..."

"Yohoho... I think I didn't understand a single word of that. I know I have no brains left, but this is still a little offensive. Yohohoho~"

"It's because he _super_ substituted every big word with his own."

"The first thing you should know is that everything in the world gives off a certain evidence of its presence, one that transcends the perception of the 5 senses we humans use to interact with our surroundings..." Robin reads the original script under her breath.

"Looks like we'll have to record him spewing nonsense at Robin-chan for 10 minutes and do a voice over." Sanji returns to sucking on his cancer stick.

"And who do you suppose would do the voice over?" Nami leans into his space.

"O-of course I wouldn't burden you lovely ladies with such a troublesome task! So the guy with a voice closest to Luffy's would be... Chopper."

"Eh?... EHHHHHHH?!" Chopper panics.

"Don't worry, Chopper, you'll do fine. No big words can ever trip you up!" Zoro grins at him.

"Hearing you say that won't make me happy you know, you bastard!" Chopper blushes while he does his signature happy dance.

"I'm counting on you then, Chopper!" Luffy ruffles the fur on his head.

"O! Leave it to me!"

"If you insist, I could teach you Usopp-sama's secret voice altering techniques." Usopp offers.

"Really? Please show me, Usopp-sama!" Chopper clings to the liar's leg, and everyone else returns to... whatever they were doing before.


	5. The Zoro Tree - NineSoul

**A/N:**

 **I couldn't write anything else in time for Sanji's birthday, so here's a little present for him. :) Happy Birthday Sanji!**

 **If anyone's following My Life for Yours, I'm sorry but there will be a delay for when this month's chapter will come out.**

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 **Behind the Scenes 5**

 ** _The Zoro Tree - NineSoul (T, Romance/Fantasy, 51k+, 4 Chapters, Completed)_**

"Bwahahaha..." Sanji is bent over double, clutching his copy of the manuscript and gasping for breath. "Zo... ahaha... Zoro is... ppwahaha..."

"Zoro, I've decided, you have to join my crew as a tree this time!" Luffy declares, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes from laughing.

"Even as a tree, Zoro-bro still doesn't know his directions. It's _super_ mysterious." Franky smirks.

"I wonder how long he'd survive as a tree without knowing which way the sun will appear." Robin presses the spine of her copy to her chin.

"Zoro-san, it looks good on you! In fact it looks so good I can barely see the difference from before, but I don't have eyes to see... Yohohoho..." Brook says, earning a glare from Zoro.

"The look suits you so well I wonder if you were really born as a tree to begin with. How did you become human, Zoro?" Nami teases. Zoro pops a vein.

"That, Nami, you would have to ask the greatest biologist of all times, Dr. Usopp! I was the one who discovered the Zoro species. Baby Zoros are actually born as trees and don't become human until they turn 10 years of age with the help of a human caretaker. I was Zoro's caretaker you see. If I hadn't been there for him, he wouldn't even be able to walk or talk!"

"So you're partially a tree Zoro? Can I do a DNA analysis on you please? Can I get your saliva sample in this test tube? Spit until you get to this line." Chopper presses a marked test tube to Zoro's face.

"WILL YOU GUYS CUT IT OUT?! IT'S A FUCKING SCRIPT! QUIT LAUGHING OR I'LL CUT YOU!" Zoro shouts at the crew as another round of laughter breaks out in the room.

"Chill, mossy. Trees don't yell. They don't cut things either. They stand still and look pretty." Sanji rests a hand on one of Zoro's branches, which the swordsman is trying hard to swing like hands. "Well, the standing still part shouldn't be that difficult considering how often you sleep while standing. Try your best at the look pretty part though. We don't want to ruin this script. It's quite popular."

 _(At that moment, Sanji's finger catches on a splinter from the mossy tree and he yelps, pulling his hand back.)*_

Sanji hisses as he looks at his bleeding finger, and then at Zoro's smug expression. The message is clear despite the swordsman not saying a word. _So you were saying something about trees don't cut things?_

"Shitty tree, I'll teach you some manners..." Sanji mutters and leaves the room. The crew watches in curiosity as the cook comes back with a bucket and dumps it over the swordsman's trunk-covered legs. "Here, have some lunch first."

"Oi bro, that's not cool man, you ruined the carpet!" Franky protests as the rest of the crew breaks into another fit of laughter.

"It seems they're getting into their roles just fine." Robin chuckles to Nami behind her script. The navigator hums in response.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 *** I took this sentence from The Zoro Tree, with minor modifications to fit the story.**


	6. MPreg and all

**A/N:**

 **I just felt like doing one of these... because I'm pregnant, and being pregnant sucks. T_T**

 **And sorry I've taken such a long time to continue MLFY. I haven't done much writing at all in the last three months. I'll try to finish the story (there are 2 chapters left, plus an epilogue) before the baby arrives in October. If I don't, it'll be on hiatus for probably the next 5 years. hahaha...**

* * *

 **Behind the Scenes 6**

 **Topic: MPreg**

 **No fic in particular this time.**

"Not like that, Sanji, with a bit more force! Think of the worst food poisoning you've ever had and try to vomit with more of a push from your stomach!" Chopper jumps around toilet bowl and the cook, giving detailed instructions with due diligence.

"Shut the fuck up, emergency food stock! If you haven't noticed, I never _had_ food poisoning because my cooking is _clean_! Dammit! Why do authors like writing about guys getting pregnant so much?! That's not even scientifically possible!" Sanji wipes the stray snot and drool off his face and roars at the little reindeer before drifting off to a low muttering. The poor boy freezes in shock and bites his quivering lips, his large brown eyes swirling with tears.

"Wait, Sanji-kun, don't you think that's a bit harsh? Chopper's only trying to help!" Nami puts a protective arm around the reindeer.

"Uh- wait, Nami-san, I didn't mean-"

"I agree. Perhaps we have misjudged you, Sanji." Robin crosses her arms and leans on the wall next to Nami.

"Robin-chan too? I- I'm really sorry, I was just-"

"Just what, princess? Frustrated that you can't put up a convincing act?" Zoro taps his rolled up script against his neck.

"Why don't you try hugging a toilet bowl and emptying your already empty stomach, shitty moss?"

"I knew you can't remember much with that brain of yours, but seriously, I just did that last week." The swordsman puts on a smug grin.

"Yeah, and Zoro's pregnancy acting was pretty awesome too! Well not as awesome as Usopp-sama would've been if he had the role, but still pretty awesome." Usopp beams. The cook shoots him a death glare, making him cower.

"Sanji-bro does have a _super_ point though. I was wondering why we're doing so many MPreg fics lately. And Sanji-bro should get a break with all these bizzar roles lately. Maybe we should skip this one and take on some normal ones next, ya know, where the girls get pregnant instead."

"What? No, we can't do that!" Sanji stands up from the toilet bowl.

"Ehhh? But you hate this role, right? No one will notice if we skip one fic." Luffy pokes his head out from behind the camera.

"There's no way I'm letting such a gross task fall on the lovely ladies! I just have to throw up more stomach acid, right?" The cook takes a deep breath and grits his teeth before returning to another round of induced vomiting.

"Yohohoho... Sanji-san sure works hard! Ah, by the way Usopp-san, I just found out from the schedule that we're doing a fic with you being pregnant next. Yohohoho..."

"Huh?... Uh... Everyone listen! I think I just caught the can't-vomit-or-I'll-die disease..."


End file.
